not sober anymore.....
By Joshua
1/22/2011 10:10:54 PM
So I am not sober anymore ...all those good comments I feel like were a waste. I guess that is why they have steps 1-12 and not just step one and ur done as it all started with me saying sorry from heart to that woman at work for my thoughts about her as I get new work on Monday and I thought I would be hard pressed to find time to be with her alone in public. So in the middle of it she saids she was flatterred. Well knowing how screwed up my mind is I begin to have the same thoughts and they were more intense. So I tried to surrender tehm to God but when I got home the old familiar thought of look up " sex education" was there and I told myself no many times as I knew it was just a gateway for more hard core stuff and anways I did look uo it up and I fell. Oh the awfulness of addiction. If i could have a magic key that would solve this it would be nice.

So enough of why I fell...So I tell my wife as she has the right to know and I could see the huge hurt in her eyes and deamenor and to know that I put it there that was so hurtful to me and I wish I could say never agian but I just don't want to break my promise. So I am going to take it day by day and do all the stuff I put on my list to try sober daily and not just do some of it anf experiment on that and we will see how well that goes

I keep on hearing that if I intend to stay sober then I need to do it for me and not for others and my intention before I fell was to get back the relationship I once had with my wife. Now is that for me or for my wife? as it seems that was not enough to stay sober. What do u think


"Sorry you slipped. I'm not sure apologizing to that woman (at least in person) was the best idea. You have to be kind of careful when it comes to apologizing to people you've acted out with (or used to act out). If there are others you are thinking about apologizing to I'd run it past some people first. Good for you for wanting to get back up and keep trying. It took me a few days of acting out before I got back to wanting to try again.

If you're talking about getting back the physical relationship I'd say that is definitely not a good reason to get sober. Get sober because you think it's the right thing to do, because you want to."
posted at 20:03:26 on January 23, 2011 by dstanley
What is reason enough?    
"I read your post last night and have been thinking a lot about it. First off, I am with DStanley, there are some people you can't apologize to in person. To do so would only put you in a bad situation. But, enough of that, I was thinking about your question. In Sunday School today we read a verse that hit me as part of the answer. Mosiah 7:33:

"But if ye will turn to the Lord with full purpose of heart, and put your trust in him, and serve him with all diligence of mind, if ye do this, he will, according to his own will and pleasure, deliver you out of bondage."

There are two things here: who you have to turn to: The Lord. Not you, not your wife. I understand the temptation to be sober for your wife. I started the process because I truly loved my wife. But, if she leaves I can't just go back and start up again.

The second addresses the relapses: God will save you according to His own will and pleasure. There are lots of good people on this site who still struggle everyday. I know they are sincerely trying. God is blessing them and you. As you follow the steps in the verse, the Lord will free you more and more. At some point the Lord will say something like, "That is the broken heart and contrite spirit I was looking for! I will give you the strength to not go back, just don't go looking for it!"

Back to my first point, some people are too dangerous to apologize to in person. Some places are to dangerous to go to. Some search terms are too deadly. Identify these and run from them! Pray for the power to avoid the path that leads to relapse."
posted at 20:29:17 on January 23, 2011 by hubster
"Thanks for your comment about relapses. That's something I struggle with a lot. I figure if I slip I must not be trying hard enough etc. (which is sometimes true). I have a hard time finding the balance between not being too hard on myself and giving myself permission to make mistakes. It is good to be reminded that we can be sincerely trying and still struggle and occaisionally make mistakes."
posted at 21:06:35 on January 23, 2011 by dstanley
further more    
"I was talking about all aspects of the relationship with emphasis on the non sexual"
posted at 21:35:45 on January 23, 2011 by Joshua

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"The solution to this problem ultimately is neither governmental nor institutional. Nor is it a question of legality. It is a matter of individual choice and commitment. Agency must be understood. The importance of the will in making crucial choices must be known. Then steps toward relief can follow."

— Russell M. Nelson