Is there anyone out there who has made it?
By iwillnot
12/20/2010 11:23:50 AM
I keep falling. I do well for a month, for two months, for six months, then something gets me. Always something gets me.

I don't want to do this to my wife. I won't do this to her. But I am. I will try very hard, and I will do great 99% of the time, but all it takes is the 1%.

Can it happen? Can a man in our current environment and society really be clean from this? Can we be clean when nearly every TV show, every movie, every checkout line at every damn grocery store is filled with magazines with scantily clad women on the cover (the funny thing is these are always magazines intended for WOMEN)?

I haven't been on this site for a while. It has helped me greatly in the past. I am sad to see that much of it has devolved into pettiness and juvenille bickering from people who won't put anger aside for the greater good. But it has helped me in the past and I hope there is still help out there.

Are there any men out there who have made it, who have subdued the addiction? I need hope from a man who has been through this. Is there anyone out there?


"I think so many of us have asked those same questions. I cannot speak of myself as an example. I am undoubtedly the least of all the brethren on this site... However, I do know there are men who have beating this addiction in the strength of God.

Please listen to Elder Packer's latest General Conference talk...,5232,23-1-1298-23,00.html

He teaches, "If one is obedient, the priesthood can show how to break a habit and even erase an addiction. ... You can, if you will, break the habits and conquer an addiction and come away from that which is not worthy of any member of the Church."

Obviously, Elder Packer has never faced this addiction, but the Lord himself has given us the promise that it can be beaten.

D&C 1:38 - "...whether by mine own voice or by the voice of my servants, it is the same."
D&C 6:23 - "...What greater witness can you have than from God?"

There is hope. Surrender your will, ever day to Heavenly Father. Look forward to having Him guide you each day. Never look back on your sins or addiction, and He will keep you clean."
posted at 11:49:49 on December 20, 2010 by paul
I haven't yet....    
"but I also know those that have. It is possible. The thing I've noticed with myself is when I get a good length of time I let my guard down, or let myself believe it isn't possible. I know the goal is 100%, but 99% is pretty darn good. Celebrate the success and keep working. Don't give up."
posted at 12:52:13 on December 20, 2010 by dstanley
"I am clean, in mind, body and soul from this addiction.
It is still early days as I am near my 1 yr mark.

I can tell you that I have no desire within me to seek for anything.
I have not had fantasies and have not sat in front of any immoral image other than those that flash in front our my eyes as I go about my daily life. That is always going to be there but I have no desire to seek after any of it. That is all gone.
These are early days and so I would also like to know from others if they can honestly say they have had no desire like this since breaking the addiction cycle.

I don't worry about the "sobriety test" or any durations, I just get on with my life and try to repair the damage my addiction caused. Doing so still helps me to improve and progress."
posted at 14:01:01 on December 20, 2010 by ruggaexpat
You must give up the world    
"That means all of it. Turn it all to Christ and he will change your heart.

Isn't that what we all must do to be true believers anyway. The world is getting more worldly, so shouldn't we all move on to path where we do not partake of any of it?

Selfishness is the root of this whole porn thing. Addicts are selfish. You must be willng to lay it all out at the altar as a sacrifice to the Lord. Once that is done, everything else is easy. That is how my husband did it, and he is sober and a changed man. You must stay on your 12 steps and never let your guard down. They are a measuring stick for you. The rewards of your new self and you marriage are far greater than any stupid porn, movie, music, drug, etc... People are more important than media anyway. When you stay on porn you are putting a false God before all else and the Lord wants you to sacrifice that. It is really that simple.

Good luck and Godspeed"
posted at 14:15:43 on December 20, 2010 by Anonymous
continue struggle    
"I know I haven't "made it" but I am 678 days "sober"."
posted at 09:42:06 on December 23, 2010 by toes_23
Congratulations Toes!    
"Very congratulations indeed :)

You're writing helped me a lot when this journey started, and you are still an example. Keep up the fight!"
posted at 10:14:36 on December 23, 2010 by paul
What a normal, but important question    
"In the past four years, I have indulged in my addictions a handful of times, making my current "record" something like 1450-5 (I don't keep a solid count), including about 2.5 years of complete sobriety. But there are people on this site with a longer clean record than me. And unlike Rugga, I have been tempted with desire several times over the past year--perhaps I'm not as committed to the program nor as dedicated to the Lord as he is.

My attitude about whether or not a person can "make it" and quit forever has changed since joining this site. I see that there ARE people who are clean. I see so many who are SO determined to beat this that they give everything in service to the Lord, and I see that it works. He heals them. I'm starting to see the real relevance of the question, "How badly do you want to be free?" I used to hate that question, because I thought, "I want it VERY badly, but it doesn't help." I'm not so sure that's the case...I don't think I wanted it badly enough back then.

Is it possible to receive a changed heart and mind and avoid this sin? Has an addict ever been able to quit for an extended amount of time (years and years)? YES and YES.

Can YOU do it? No. Neither can I.

At least, not without the Savior. HE can do it for you. Turn your life completely over to him. He can do it for you, and He will! Praise Him. Serve Him."
posted at 13:47:26 on December 23, 2010 by BeClean
So true BECLEAN    
"No it is still early days for me.
My determination is huge. I will refuse to go anywhere near the line.
I value my freedom now so much.
I think we must avoid comparing as you are definately dedicated if you can hold such a record of sobriety. 2 and a half years well thats a dream for me and I will get there. I know I will if I carry on this path. That is a long way off still so lets just say I am satisfied to have made it this far yet I have only begun the marathon.

One day at a time."
posted at 23:45:26 on December 23, 2010 by ruggaexpat
Read Humn 85, How Firm A Foundation.    
"Vs. 7 is the one that brings tears to my eyes. I can truthfully say that I am RECOVERING from an addiction to Porn and I have been sober for about 17 years. Who's counting? The Lord isn't. The temptations are always swirling around us, at the check out line, on bill boards, on TV, at work and sometimes even at church functions. Steps 1 thru 7 will bring a total transformation through the Redeeming Power of the Atonement. Yes, the Lord can reach into your heart and remove all desire to view porn, to have lustful thoughts, to self abuse, to sexualize every woman that you see. The Lord can and does change hearts.

I recently discovered the Book "Clean Hands, Pure Heart" by brother Philip Harrison. Get yourself a copy and discover for yourself how the Lord can and does heal a hard core long term addict. Take heart my brother. It is Satan who is telling you that you are a hopeless addict and that to resist is futile.

You say "I cannot"
The Lord says (hymn 85) "I will not, I cannot desert you to your foes" Lean on the Lord and He will never, no never, no never forsake."
posted at 22:22:22 on December 25, 2010 by 3R's
Freedom from captivity    
"There are so many things that are captivating in the world today. We live in a captivating world. When we chose to participate in that world then we will become captivated by it. The longest period of sobriety I have is about 8 months. Currently I have 134 days. Recently I have come to understand simply what Neal A Maxwell explained when he talked about losing our life. I always thought I needed to just try harder and all my problems would be solved and go away so to speak. I finally realized I was trying to do it my way and did not take into account the Lords will. When I finally understood that I need to be willing to totally let go of all my ideas, my own personal solutions, my desires and each day focus on making Gods will my own then life starts to change I can actually feel peace because I am serving God not others. When I serve him first then I read the scriptures for him with the spirit, not just to read but to listen. I pray with real intent, I don't worry if someone says thank you when I serve them because I am serving God not them. When we serve God first instead of our selves the Natural Man is no longer in charge. We can literally put him on the altar along with the sin and have freedom because we have given our agency to God. We can trust him with our agency because he will never fail us. As long as we hold on to that agency then we will always slip and falter in some way but when we turn our lives literally over to God each day it does become easier and more peaceful. I have had more joy in the midst of trial than I thought possible over the past few months. God gives us the better life. It is true when we lose our lives we can truly find our life, the life God wanted us to have in the first place. I have a lot to say but I will pause for now so as not to overwhelm.... My last scripture the Savior said...."Be of good cheer, I have overcome the world.""
posted at 21:38:37 on January 4, 2011 by theprince
"brilliant. l.o.v.e."
posted at 02:16:51 on January 5, 2011 by Anonymous
I forgot to mention observation    
"One difference between man and animal is that we can observe our behaviors and with Gods help change our patterns of behavior. So Iwillnot what are you willing to give up to rid yourself of sin. We first have to be willing to give up the sin. I think of the lamanite King who gave up all of his sins to know God. Rooted them out of his breast.

That is step one willingness combined with the powerlessness of step 1 will be progress. The battle is won or lost in the mind. If we win the war in the head it will never reach our actions or our hands for that matter. So make that decision to give up TV. At least give up all TV that feeds the addiction. Only watch that which is virtuous lovely or of good report. Watch Halmark channel or BYU TV. If it is suggestive in any way turn it off and never watch the show again. Realize you don't need it and develop the desire not to want it. It is hard to leave something behind if you keep it constantly in front of you.

If you struggle with magazines or books try to not notice them so much or don't stare at them. If you can have the manager cover them up. We should all call Walmart headquarters to have them make a change and cover them all up. There are ten major chains if we all called them we could maybe change something. If you have a problem in a bookstore do not go to bookstores. Go to Deseret Book it is a problem free store. If you want to change your life you have to do different things. You cannot expect to do the same things you have always done and experience change. What will be your sacrifice.

Movies: Realize that pg-13 is most of the time not going to be worth watching. R and X is out of the question and some pg movies will not be okay. Review on line each movie you plan to watch in advance. If you had a terminal disease called cancer would you eat or go anywhere that would increase the likelihood of re-contracting the disease or actually increasing the possibilities of getting worse from an activity you plan to do. If a movie is racy in anyway I will not see it. If I am in a situation I did not plan on I can leave the room or the movie. I can turn off the TV or leave a movie.

On the internet: I have learned it is not good for me to surf the net, I learned from a niece that trolling the net is safer for me. Make sure you use K-9 as a filter. Now filters are not foolproof so you don't need to test them but they can be a deterrent when you are weak. Or give your wife the password so you can't go around the filter. Remember you are making sacrifice here. If you get in a bad spot on the internet learn to turn it off immediately and don't go back to in later. If it is a curiosity that is not really necessary understand that you will have obsessive compulsive curiosities. Learn to avoid and disregard these temptations. The apostles have said a temptation is meant to look good. All poison apples look like real apples but they will kill you spiritually. We have to pray several time a day have the spirit with us constantly and ask for the protection of ministering angels.

What is the definition of insanity, doing the same things over and over and expecting a different result. You cannot get over addiction and live the same life. Change must happen. Observe your own behavior in the middle of your action. Ask yourself am I staring at that woman, why am I looking at body parts or am I seeing a beautiful daughter of God and looking at her spirit and her countenance only. To become like God we have to over come the natural man study Mosiah 3:19.

On the internet do not try to see how close you can get to nudity, don't get into fashion shows or swimsuit apparel or do I really need to go into detail here. If your conscience is numb let the group help you understand what you need to change. A facilitator is a good place to start. Get a sponsor. The scriptures have said there are to many ways to sin to list them. If you have lust in your heart and it is in your behaviors you have to eliminate them one by one.

Life can be better but we do have to do our part. And in the beginning it might be hard but over time you get to the point where you do no longer want to do these things. You now enjoy reading a good book, or watching a good show free from any addictive or suggestive natures. You become satisfied with your new creative hobby or musical inclination. You may even lose the desire for so much violence. The TV might just be off for days at a time. Won't that be nice for a change. Play a game with your children, go for a walk, learn to enjoy nature. Start to enjoy what you have been missing. Your wife and children. Spend your time serving God, what does he want you to do with your life. I hope this helps. Have a great day."
posted at 10:11:09 on January 5, 2011 by theprince
Clarify "made it"    
"I agree that with all the redicolous supercharged sexual stimuli in the world like at grocery checkouts or t v shows, commercials, it seems preposterous to live a perfect morally clean life. Who are these people that create all this stuff that causes problems and grief for you and me? Do they think we are freaks? I don't know anyone has made it, nobody is immune from temptation. I hate it like you do but somehow this is all part of the plan for trying and testing. People today say about the pioneers who crossed the plains in freezing cold for thousands of miles, "I DON'T KNOW HOW THEY DID IT". One day I think we will meet the early saints and they will say to us about our trials and temptations "WE DON'T KNOW HOW YOU DID IT"...."
posted at 22:17:15 on January 13, 2011 by JerryBerry
"The story is told of a General Authority that went to a Utah Jazz Game, and when the Jazz Dancers would come out on the floor to do their dancing, he would look the other way. Do we?"
posted at 08:23:14 on January 14, 2011 by Anonymous

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"By emulating the Master, who endured temptations but “gave no heed unto them,” we, too, can live in a world filled with temptations “such as [are] common to man”. Of course Jesus noticed the tremendous temptations that came to him, but He did not process and reprocess them. Instead, He rejected them promptly. If we entertain temptations, soon they begin entertaining us! Turning these unwanted lodgers away at the doorstep of the mind is one way of giving “no heed.” Besides, these would-be lodgers are actually barbarians who, if admitted, can be evicted only with great trauma."

— Neal A. Maxwell

General Conference May 1987